Say Aha

muffinmachine:

My grandpa got his first spam email and he called the police

21 May 2013

            I haven’t written anything in this journal since the first entry, which by now was almost two weeks ago.  I’ve had plenty of thoughts, but haven’t recorded them.  So here’s an attempt to do so.

            I still haven’t figured out how I identify.  Do I identify as female?  Absolutely not.  Male?  Maybe.  I thought for a while that maybe I identify as genderqueer and want to use male pronouns and a male name.  But I’m not sure.  I feel as though figuring this out is an impossible task that will never be accomplished.  I sort of thought that maybe I liked the idea of having a penis, but now I don’t know.  I still think male genitalia are somewhat weird and unattractive, but I don’t really identify with my female genitalia.  So am I just going to walk around for the rest of my life disliking what I have downstairs?  I don’t really want/can’t afford bottom surgery, and I don’t think I would like the results.  Do I have dysphoria?  I can’t really figure that out, either.  This is all very annoying.

            Then sometimes I’m like, “Maybe this is all made up in my head.”  Do I really think that?  No.  Some of it is absolutely an authentic issue.  But I have a hard time figuring out what is real and what I’m making.  For example, I started shaving my face for the experience.  I just have typical female peach fuzz, so the difference isn’t really noticeable to anyone else, but I thought I would try it out for myself.  I like it.  I enjoy doing it.  But I’m not sure if I like it just because, or because it makes me feel more male, etc. 

            Basically, I know nothing.  And writing this is bringing it all back up and making me frustrated and confused.  Maybe I’ll write again later.     

fuckyeahftms:

Hey guys, I was wondering if you could share some stories about how you came to choose your name. I’ve been having a lot of trouble with it since I see it as a really important decision and commitment to make. I’d really enjoy reading other people’s experiences with this, and I’d like to add that I’m not seeking advice — just personal thoughts on the matter. Thanks :)

Although I haven’t officially started going by a male name and am not sure if I fully identify as male, I’ve thought of a name I want to start using.  When I was a kid, my mom told me my name would have been Andrew if I was born a boy.  I don’t like that as a first name, so if I do a full name change I’ve settled on that as a middle name.  I heard the name Micah when I was in high school and loved it.  It’s unique but simple.  I want that to be my first name.

potential-and-difference:

prop-215:

dazegetbrighter:

what if rocks are actually soft but just tense up when we touch them?

How stoned are you right now?

Was that a fucking pun?

Or was it punintentional?  

elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

castiels-feathery-butt:

tyflowsion:

what if ducks threw bread back at you

you’d have to duck

this is one of those posts that makes you step back and re-examine your entire worldview